Teleprogreso: A Yoga Lesson Learned

At Teleprogreso, February 2011

One of my students, Ivonne, is a middle-aged Honduran dentist who has volunteered for ten years at El Progreso’s Casa de la Cultura to promote art and culture in Honduras. After attending my first open-air yoga class, which ended in complete darkness since I hadn’t taken sunset into account, she left with that relaxed, half-high, half post-orgasmic expression that every person should wear después de yoga. She offered to drive me home, and in the car she told me that she wanted to feature me on Teleprogreso, a national/intercontinental television station that streams throughout Latin America.

The teenager inside me nearly screamed (“OMG – I’m gonna be on TV!”), but as a cool, calm, and collected yoga teacher I tried not to let my emotions show. I agreed with Ivonne that the idea sounded great, and she suggested that we film an interview on yoga, an interview with OYE’s youth scholars, and a yoga session live on Friday afternoon. We exchanged numbers so we could be in contact.

The days passed without further word from Ivonne. I’ve only been in Honduras for less than two months, but I am already well versed in the Honduran way of “mañana.”  If something doesn’t get done, it’ll just get done tomorrow. And if doesn’t get done tomorrow, the day after is perfectly fine.

I was soon to learn from Ivonne, however, that the rule of tomorrow doesn’t always apply. Sometimes when someone really needs something to be done today, that person will wait until the last minute and then make everyone around them feel badly until said thing gets done.

Such was the case with Ivonne. She called me at 8:30am on Friday to tell me that she would see me at 4pm that day. I told her that 4 would be difficult since I had a meeting at work that might run past 4.

Trigger Ivonne’s Spanish soap opera voice.

“But Michael! You simply can’t do this to me. I cancelled the other person who was supposed to come in at 4…” (blatant lie?) “…and I need you and the OYE scholars to do yoga!”

“But Ivonne, I have to work.”

“But Michael, there is simply no other way. I need you to explain to people that yoga isn’t a religion. You must come!”

“But Ivonne, why didn’t you call to confirm during the week? In the United States people call several days in advance to confirm, and then they call later on to confirm again!”

”But Michael, we agreed in the car. I told you Friday at 4…”

By this point I was yelling, which a yoga teacher should never do to his or her student, even if said student is driving said yoga teacher crazy. But I was so stressed out with a scheduling conflict, a meeting about the Catholic Church and a lawyer with a history of corruption who was trying to con me out of my lempiras, and a few rough nights of sleep due to the constant singers at the Evangelical church across street, among other things.

Back up. Take a deep breath in…and take a deep breath out. Take another deep breath in…and another deep breath out.

Since when did I become Diva Michael? Since when did my television debut to help promote my yoga class and OYE  become too much for me to handle? And why was I prepared to lash out at a kind-hearted, albeit disorganized woman who waited until the last minute while trying to help me and OYE?

I told Ivonne not to worry and that I would work everything out when I arrived at the office. Once there I found two scholars who would come with me to Teleprogreso. I told my boss that our 2pm meeting had to start at 2, not 3 and especially not 4. I called Ivonne and confirmed. Yoga on Teleprogreso was going to happen.

Fast forward past the 2pm meeting getting pushed back to 3 and arriving to Teleprogreso with only a few minutes to go before airing. I sat down on a black leather block that seemed like it was designed to make people uncomfortable. Ivonne sat to my left, and to my right was another heavily made up woman whose wrinkles vanished magically on the television screen, making her look at least ten years younger than she really was. The two asked me to help them come up with the interview questions before we started airing. I only had to prompt them a little bit before they went on a role with questions about my life, why I came to Honduras, my writing, and a summary of the books I have written.

At the end of the interview, Ivonne thanked me for sharing my time and for traveling so far to help improve the health of the people in Honduras.

“Now, do you have a phone number where people can call you to find out more information?” she asked, her expression completely serious.

Ugh…put on the spot on live TV.

What was I supposed to do? Give out my Honduran cell phone number to an audience of what might be millions of viewers? Or do the rational thing and refuse?”

Gulp.

“956735…”

The OYE Staff came by to pick the OYE scholars and me up in a brown pick-up truck. While bouncing around in the truck’s open bed with the warm afternoon wind rushing through my hair, I heard my phone beep in my bag. I thought it might be my friends in San Pedro calling me to find out when I would be coming to the city that night.

But no, it was a text from an unknown number from someone calling to tell me: “Listen. I just saw you on the television and I can’t begin to tell you how delicious you are. I want you to be my private yoga teacher.”

The beeps continued, as did the messages, invitations for new Facebook friends, and phone calls. In fact, they are still continuing to this very moment, with a few aggressive people really hoping that I am going to call or message back.

Take a deep breath in…and a deep breath out…

I can’t get mad at the messages or the people or the people who are sending. I suppose they’ll stop eventually, even the ones who like to wake me up in the middle of the night. Until they do I’ll enjoy them for what they are – opinions from a small, moderately perverted fan base of potential yoga students.